jared

1.
jared told me yesterday to put double space after a period. i didn't listen to him. i had taken four different english as second language classes but haven't heard of the rule before. He was very upset and told me to ask steven because he thinks that i don't believe what he says but believe what steven says. he was very upset and even said to me that he is from his country and everything like that. he is right. i always had this attitude that his knowledge is from some weird private source not from a legitimate and academic and trustworthy kind of place. I felt bad, and looked up the internet. According to webster.com, it is a habit of old people who used to use typewriter. he told me that his english teacher was always around eighty years old. everything makes sense now.

2.
jared told me that his mother used to tie his left hand to a drawer knob next to his bed before tucking him into a bed and untie it in the morning until he turned eighteen. when he turned nine years old, he said that he started masturbating a lot and he was from lubbock, texas. so his mother had to do this to him. i laughed. but also thought that it was crazy but i didn't say anything because it was his mother and also he had a bit long hair. and i didn't know anything about lubbock, texas. I met his mother later and she seemed all very normal except her accent and i realized that he lied all this time but i didn't say anything because i didn't know whether it was worse to tell him that i believed him. i am pretty sure he would laugh first and then get offended tomorrow.

3.
jared brought a car from his home town. i started to think maybe he is very rich because it is a lot nicer than my car. i have a ninety five green dodge neon that i bought from my brother in law who bought it from my other sister's now exboyfriend who bought it from a guy on the way to a walmart in jackson, michigan. i always somehow thought i come from wealthier background than he does, but then we watched a movie called a garden state and there was a young man who is not the main character but made a lot of money by inventing a silent velcro and throws a big pool party and does drugs with his friends who are more of a loser. after watching the movie he said that that was pretty much like how he and his friends were like in his home town. i was shocked.

4.
i bit jared's arm to bleed. he totally deserved it. he didn't open his door even when i knocked on his door for many times. then i ended up breaking the glass of his studio door and that was really his fault. but he told me i have a problem. is it a problem of anger management, or is it a problem of biting? i am not sure. i always thought that my sharp fingernail and teeth were great assets since i don't possess much of the muscle power as some people do. i made a mean boy cry in my first grade by pitching the inner side of his arm. it felt really good. when your arms and legs cannot move your teeth is the best thing ever. i bit my sister's thumb until it bled and then i went directly to the english lesson. my friend asked me if it was ketchup marks on my sweat pants.

5.
jared wrote me today saying that he wants to write about my art. i think it's funny that he is interested in my work. i thought my work was not radical enough, not really highly conceptual, gimmicky, but not awe inspiringly technically advanced, but not simple and pure enough to be poetic and basically as conservative as democratic party. he said i cannot help it because of how i grew up. my father was neither a rock star nor a loser, and my mother didn't run away for her independence. i lived a comfortable life just like a baroque aristocrat and what i do is making a restless face in the theater where the thunder and clear sky exist next to each other beautifully. i wonder if what he really wanted to figure out was if i was making a piece about him.

steven

1.
steven's radio was on yesterday. I cried in my bed. If npr gave me a headache why didn't I ask him to turn it down. But because I had a reason finally a perfect proper reason for this time. How can you get out of the bed just to tell to stop the noise when the noise is not what made me cry but it is the headache. npr gave me the headache and if I cried then it is mine. Who has that much of a courage to walk out, to walk out of the warm bed and say, my headache is your radio please get rid of it. A huge leap, very mistakes, very assumptious and ignorant generalization. No one and not one can't do that unless we all live in the pure land of madness where mine suddenly becomes yours. Please don't get confused. So please leave me alone so as for me to cry for my own headaches.

2.
steven and I went to supermarket today to buy some vietnamese ingredient. Spring roll paper, hoisin sauce and cock sauce. Steven said that I cannot say cock sauce in front of other people and I need to say sriracha sauce especially in reading, england. but i didn't listen. We went to many different supermarkets. Marks and spencer, sainsbury and some other places. they had a lot of egg noodles but nothing what I was looking for. I became really frustrated and angry at supermarkets in england while walking down the canned vegetable area. there were two people talking in the middle and i couldn't pass without pushing his basket gently to the left. He yelled at me, excuse you. Steven said that they made a fun of me and what I did was transnationally rude.

3.
I talked to Steven the other day about meeting this person in detroit. I cannot remember whom I met but I remember writing him about how the person didn't seem to like me because I was very crude and synical. And Steven corrected me that synical is spelled with C not S and then he apologized. I didn't admit how much I was embarrassed but I was really embarrassed. It reminded me when I said polish hotdog instead of polish hotdog on the hotdog day. Alex said that she would love to try the polished hotdog. I try not to think about it but I keep thinking about it. I start not liking myself because i would like to be like my friend who doesn't care about those things but I do care and I don't like the fact that I care.

4.
steven thinks i have a problem of scratching. i scratch a lot. i scratch, scratch and it feels really good. i am not sure how much of a problem that actually is. when i am itchy what else can you do? if it's some kind of a skin condition, then i understand that i shouldn't aggravate by scratching it but i don't have a skin problem. it's all psychological, and the only way to feel good, is to scratch. it's like crying. when i fell like it, i have to do it. i don't feel well after trying hard not to cry. i tend to try hard not to cry during a not very well critically received movie that has a father dying in some sort of illness. that's why i felt really superb after watching diving bell and butterfly. i think it wasn't that embarrassing crying because it got an okay review.

5.
steven went to goldsmith college in london. he graduated with first. i didn't understand what that meant at all. my friend who lives in chicago lives with a horrible korean woman and i haven't even met her but even i get very annoyed just by listening to my friend who lives in chicago. the horrible housemate of my friend who lives in chicago also went to goldsmith college, and it turned out that she also graduated with first. my friend who lives in chicago also didn't understand why it was supposed to be a big deal but apparently that horrible korean woman said it was a big deal just like steven did. i wanted to make a mean comparison between steven and the horrible korean woman who lives with my friend who lives in chicago but didn't see the point.